Review: when boxes are traps, and other experience

Just saw a cute banner or TW sketch trying to get me to change my closet.  Obviously drawn by or for someone who does not clutter, is tidy, put away her first toy before she could sit up.

It shows a lovely rolling shelf set like a hotel porter uses - that part could be useful if you have a retired film star's Rancho de Closet, perhaps accessed by an elevator.  

But on those shelves is trouble for us, the genetically non-tidy.  And those of us who would simply rather read Robert Crais and deal with the closet later.

Just getting the clothes back in the closet, nicely aired out, is a victory for some of us.  Putting the crackers and purple potatoes on the proper shelf after getting them into the pantry is an olympic victory.  If the shelf has a drawer, it's getting to be a chore.

Along comes a jolly closet fluffer who puts everything in darling boxes. Well, except the purple potatoes.  With lids.  A pile-on-the center island future in the making.  And you have to put everything down somewhere if there IS no center island, so you can get the d....lids off the cute boxes and put stuff in.

If the closet fluffer needs photos for her website, she will have a graduated stack of boxes for your things, and will tie the stack with a ribbon.  This will cut down on clutter because you will never open the stack.  Ever. Unless you need those clothes to go to a wedding.  Eventually  some of us may replace the stuff we've forgotten in the cute box stack.

When the fluffer is checking her makeup, take your stuff out of the stack of boxes and PUT ALL Boxes with Lids back in her car.  If a box has a hinged lid you can just flip up, it may work for you.  Or not.

While she is alphabetizing your closet, get on your cell and call a guy who will build you some shelves, many of them with tray drawers.  Tray what?

A tray drawer is just a tray on slides.  It's not a deep drawer. You can put some sweaters in without even opening it. Not thirty in one tray, perhaps.

Toss the catalog with the picture of darling baskets instead of drawers for towels, etc.  You will pull out the cute basket drawer to see what's in the bottom, and it will remain on the bathroom floor until I'm (I mean until you're) too embarrassed to leave it there longer.  The only basket my bathroom really needs is one to keep the rotten hair dryer from sliding off on the floor and breaking.

Think of all this as the one-move rule.  If it has a door, it definitely does not need drawers inside.  One thing to do is always enough for us.

No, This is the Easiest Way to Cull Useless Clothes

I was wrong in March.  I think you secretly know that the fastest way to decide whether to keep any garment is to ask:  What if my first love came to the door? 

 (The real truth is I'd just as soon see my incredible studio alternations guy from Burbank, CA, than my first love.  I think.  Maybe.  No.)

This has to be your firsts real love, not that guy from high school who was mostly worried about why you didn't seem as skinny or passionate as some others.

Close your eyes and just hear the bell ringing.  Picture him standing there.  How does he look now?

No, first put your job interview suit in a safe place - you might be tempted to junk it, cause you know it would leave him cold.

Now the recycle bag.

There goes the denim skirt (you really need a denim skirt) that is cut to add 20 pounds and several years even in the front view.

Those black tweed pants that wrinkle in front after 20 minutes.  That too-big jacket-looking thing that can't be altered into a smaller summer jacket.  That pullover top that's scratchy - how can you look like someone's lost love if your top itches?

Unless you're reed-thin, get rid of all tee shirts with writing unless they're advertising his favorite band.  (You do remember his favorite band, right?)

It is okay to get a teen ager to help with this--just don't tell him or her about the first love part.

And junk half the clothes with rayon or acrylic - you're likely to feel pretty warm when you open the door to your memory HugBunny.

If you can't visualize your handsome prince at the door, just open the closet and look at each item:  Would I want to be wearing this if J walked into the restaurant?  If he walked into the library?  If he came to the house to check the electricity?

Will this outfit remind him of our school days?  Or remind him of his mother?

And what if he's turned out to be a slob?  Well, at least you'll look so good he may stop at the barber shop on his way to WeightLoss, Inc. and the florist.

I think I may need a bigger recycle bag.

FOUR MAGIC WORDS CUT CLUTTER?

What if dealing with our stuff is as simple as doing two things?

Start something

Finish something

Of course, joining a gym so you can lift Fred's junk out of the hall isn't the type of Start I had in mind.

 I don't want you to quit your job so you have time to Finish tearing everything out of the garage in search of the tax records from 2001.

I've seen the lists.  I've made the lists.  Lists like:

Finished coloring my hair

Finished my mani/pedi. 

Finished washing the bedding.

But my stuff was still all over the place.

As I've mentioned before, a wise and talented man (who got very prosperous, by the way) told me to make my bed.  Just make my bed. No explanation.  Years later I heard the reason:  Making my bed is finishing something.  It reminds me how simple it can be to finish something. Something like opening the box marked T, discovering the tax files, chucking them in a file cabinet.

My latest list looked like:

Start buying and using pants and skirt hangers that actually work

Start looking for some hangers that don't dump things on the floor

Start putting books to return in a small bag so they won't be everywhere

Made me much happier about my clothes, the car interior, and getting dressed.  BUT: 

We only have to start one (1) thing: Just one thing off a start list.

We only have to mark off a tiny section of the cabinets and start removing junk.   

Great habits start with one Start.

CLOSET BREAKTHRU or, hanging solution for difficult clothes

Went to WalMart to return the exercise mat with the "carcinogens" label.

Found my dream footstool (read Rubbermaid plastic stepstool.)  Note to self:  sometimes you have to go to a store where women work.  Guys don't understand concepts like: No, not a step ladder.)

But on to the other solutions:  first a little dish that clamps on the side of the round bin in my top drawer.  This little thing will corral all the ear plugs, miniature bottles of calendula cream, and lip balm.  Or the earrings, when I'm too sleepy to walk over to the little jewelry box.

Big finish:

They have the hangers I've always dreamed of and didn't have the sense to invent.  There is a rubber (okay, it's probably just non-slip plastic, work with me here.)  line across the top edge so the necks of my knit tops don't stretch out every few minutes.  The have (oh, this is too wonderful)  a tiny line of rubber between shoulders so a scarf will stay anchored there.  And more!  There is also rubber along the bottom that I think will keep my long, black knit skirt from rolling into a ball in the corner of the hanger or on the floor.

They look feminine enough and the price, my friends, is right.

CAN'T FACE THE CLOSET? Make molehills out of mountains

Okay, what am I talking about?  Maybe you never been accused of making mountains our of molehills.  As you can see, it just means exaggerating, blowing things out of proportion.   Maybe your closet looks to you as if the entire women's department of a giant store has fallen out of a truck.

You want it fixed now, but you'd rather go to the dentist.  And you're a girl who's been told, possibly by me, to finish what you start.

So divide up that mountain of clothes. Make a Section One.  I knew a very smart man who did his closet six inches at a time (and he liked clothes.)  Knot a red ribbon around the clothes pole six inches from the door, or eight inches from the left wall.

You will need a large bag.  Don't skip the bag.  It's useless to make a pile of clothes you don't want and then put the pile back in the closet until whenever.  The rule is DON'T PUT ANYTHING BACK IN.

If you can't make up your mind about last year's orange top, have your friend Coco keep it for you. It's kinda like how to avoid overeating. If we keep food by the tv, we keep eating it.  And If that pair of dreary slacks doesn't need ironing,  you grab it every morning, and  think you need it.  But if you have to go to Coco's house to get it, you'll know it's not worth the trip.

Anyway, with only six inches to do today, you can take everything out and even try it all on--someplace where you can see the back.  If you can't see the back at home, wear it to Macy's or someplace and look at yourself from the back in the fitting room.  

When you've sent the maybe clothes to Coco's, and the rejects to the charity bag, put your shoes on and take your favorite, but wrinkled outfit to the cleaners.  The better care you take of it, the more you'll value it, and yourself.  If it's midnight, put the outfit on a chair by the front door for the cleaner's tomorrow.

Now you've finished something!  And maybe even found a blouse you'd forgotten about, to wear tomorrow.

THE WORLD'S FASTEST WAY TO CLEAN OUT CLOTHES

This is incredibly easy.  You may be able to do it in an afternoon.

The catch is, you and a friend have to do it for each other at the same time. Or at least on the same day.

This requires only two pieces of equipment:  a light in the closet, and a video cam.  

After putting on each piece of clothing, she walks away from you as you point the camera at the rear view of her in the outfit.

Then off to your closet, where she shoots your back view (remember you're walking, not standing) in your outfits.  

As you can see, this requires that you both be good, kind friends.  

But just in case, all traces of the videos must be obliterated before you take all those unflattering clothes to the donation bin down the road.

MY PORTABLE BATHROOM . . . ALMOST

For the second time in a long time, I'm sharing a bathroom with a man, right now, my son-in-law.  And strangely enough, this makes me more organized.

I have a basket, not really big, that has two plastic coffee shop cups in it.  Also a small hairbrush, a small mirror, sunscreen, toothpaste, nail file, small hairspray, and a sandwich bag with tiny dental stuff.

In one plastic cup is mascara, a shaver, very small scissors, and seldom-used eye shadow.

In the other is the rest of the dental equipment.

Of course, I get in a hurry and put things in the wrong cup when I suddenly have to go somewhere, but at least, they're in the basket!

The whole thing goes back to the bedroom to save room on the vanity.

Bigger things, like jumbo mouthwash and  liquid soap for shower and shampoo, can stay in the bathroom.

Of course, if you have children under the age of 40, this may not be foolproof, but it works for me.

GRABBING STUFF BEFORE WORK CLUTTER

Once a long time ago, a roommate who was very busy had an idea for cutting down on time getting dressed.  She announced that if our chests of drawers had seven drawers we could put everything for one day in the same drawer, and save all the digging around.  

Fast forward to now.  You've maybe put tops with tops, bottoms with bottoms, and getting ready in the morning (or evening) is not a bowl of cherries. The clock is ticking; the pile on the bed is growing. 

 I can't get you a seven-drawer highboy, but maybe this will help.  

Pretend you're a flight attendant.  You can't be late, you can't carry a bunch of layering clothes.  You have to look your best.  The buttons can't be off the last clean uniform. 

So here we are with our imaginary, tiny flight attendant suitcase that wouldn't even hold my four-section Baggatini that was supposed to be the first love of flight attendants.  I have no idea what real flight attendants do, but this is pretend.  

So just mark off a territory in your closet for two fast,  absolutely last-minute-grab, late-for-work outfits.  Complete with shoes, maybe with stockings tucked in, if you wear them.  In this weather, I'd wear fur lined jeans if I could find them, but I digress.

Your appropriate undies are hanging right beside the foolproof outfits in wondrous, tough transparent hanger bags.

Two outfits, because you're going to send one of them to the cleaners on time, or the shoes to the shoemaker on time, or at least to  the kitchen for polish.)

Right now two outfits don't seem enough for the hot, freezing, and rarely medium  weather we have here in rotation.  But I do have my fail-safe, pre-takeoff two. 

For example:  

Really good grey washable pants
Grey waist-length tie sweater
White top for under grey sweater 
Black leather shoes with black socks
Black Baggatini 
Quilt coat or blazer or white washable jacket, depending on weather and formality.

When it's pushing a hundred degrees:
A black cotton dress, petti pants, and in an emergency, sandals.  

The backup outfit is the same color scheme.  Nothing is too fragile. I won't be on a plane soon, but you never know when you'll meet a rogue three-year-old with a strawberry ice cream cone.

The closet is small and crowded, but if I put the pants next to the shelves, then the sweaters are handy. Shoes on a shelf.  And my socks are separated; business socks for business shoes.  Even a scarf in one of those hanging transparent bags.  When I find out where to get those bags, I'll let you know.  

PS  When I was in storage design, my clients would never do this.  But I can picture what happens in the morning, because they have so many decisions to make, and so much crossing back and forth in the closet.

TECHNOLOGY DOES PLASTIC SURGERY ON YOUR CLUTTER

When some women decide to get slimmer, they may post on the refrigerator a picture from their slim days.  There they are, looking confident.  And smaller.  (A few may put a picture of themselves at the chubbiest - and for them, it works.)

Some guys may put up movie posters of gym rat actors but deny it's their motivation.  Maybe that works for them.

But I've never, in the many homes I've seen, seen a woman on a diet decorate her fridge with pictures of other women!

So why, in a fit of anti-clutter determination, do we go on line for pictures of other people's cabinets and closets?  Or read publicity about famous stars' closets?  Or follow somebody's advice and start a clutter notebook?  Then we wonder why we don't have time to go to Goodwill or to get a bigger recycle barrel. 

Here's my radical suggestion for the day:  If your living room looks a little over-stuffed and needs a diet, take some pictures of the way it is now.  Then, here goes . . . 

PHOTOSHOP them. Or get a teenager to Photoshop them.  Photoshop can erase that file cabinet, can move Aunt Hepzibah's gifts of statuary to a dust-proof archive case in the closet.  Photoshop can even change the cardboard box of unused exercise weights into an elegant rolling baseket or an ultrasleek tilt-out drawer under a fabulous built-in desk!  And can make Old Fred's slippers look fit for a rock star (or swoop them into the garbage.  I mean into the bedroom.)  I have no advice on how to make Old Fred accept your projected changes to his recliner. 

All this is done without bending over!  Just bending fingers.  And this saves money.  You can change wall color on the screen, and repaint them free at once if you want to.  Or paint some shelves and things the wall color to make them look less irritating.  The only caution is that colors will look different in real life, so you'll need paint samples on the real wall eventually.

But the clutter will have disappeared.  Photoshop can even put in an attractive person (pretend) to haul the stuff off to Goodwill.  

 Do not tell the teen-tech to re-install stuff you do not love or need without a 24-hour cooling off period. 

Print screen and live your room makeover. 

One last thing, a good diet doesn't make us (or a home) thin in one weekend.

TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH! - I'll never get it cleared out unless I . . .

The sheer volume of it all!  The drawers bursting in air. . . no, but bulging at least.  We see ourselves holding up each dumb thing, each unidentified dreary object, week after week.  Take a tip from an unexpected place--Pearl Diving!

Open one drawer, maybe a drawer full of clothes or fabrics, and dive for one thing you really like!  Dust it off, shake it out, admire it.  If it's gotten wrinkled in there with bad company, put it in the dryer with a slightly damp cloth on no heat (no, not if it's a shoe or album of baby pictures.  Just above-the-floor clothes.)  If it's reasonably fresh, try it on.  Oops, it doesn't quite fit right now.  Not even with the unbuttoned look.

Next step:  Take a really pretty big bag.  Go to the drug store if you have to, for a big "party" bag.  (Those biggies are to shame you into buying more gifts) but we're doing tidy-organize here.

Take a nice envelope or a marker that writes pretty, and write Treasures on the bag.  Wrap the blouse or whatever it is, and place it in the bag.  Why?

When we treasure our really good stuff, even stuff we're a couple of cheescakes away from wearing, we can see more easily how non-wonderful the rest of our stuff is.  How it begs to go into that clothing bin at the gas station.  How someone somewhere is waiting for it. Maybe two-thirds of what's in that same clothes drawer is squashed in there because we never wear it and hope not to.

So, there's really no need to hold those items up and decide. You know what to do.  If the giver asks where it went, you can honestly say you don't know any more.  Better yet, change the subject to her favorite man, or go to the powder room before the giver decides you want more of what you just donated. 

COLOR CODING - Is it you?

I absolutely could not get along without color coding.  I always want life to be simpler than it is:

For instance:  RED

Red is for health, in my world. I luckily have some red hanging folders. Inside are some files whose tabs say Dental or Spine or whatever on red or plain vanilla files.  

And transparent red is for super urgent, like some health info for the doctor today, or anything urgent.  

And the ever popular Green is for money and related stuff like taxes.

Since I write, blue is for writing and sometimes some great writing by someone else. 

Being a female, Purple or Violet is for fashion, wardrobe, and the shoes that fit my feet correctly, should I ever find such shoes

COMBINATIONS?  I thought you'd never ask!  

Sometimes a money thing becomes urgent, like at tax time.  So the green folder needs a red extra-sticky Post-it.   

Not excited about files?  Well another place for color coding is KID STUFF.  If they can't read, and you can't draw an undershirt,  you can tell him the undies go in the BLUE drawer.  Or announce that PINK is only for the sister's stuff.  

Let us know if you have your own color coding standbys.  I'd be glad to quote you here!
 . . .

WHY YOU NEED THAT METAL FILE BOX - even though it's not cute

If you have access to Yahoo finance, look in the article Debit or Credit (it's about swiping cards) but tucked in there is another post about financial papers you should never throw away.  It's worth the read, and has even more information than I've  included in the manuscript for my book.

Definitely worth reading and making yourself a list!

And saving them isn't really safe if they're likely to get damaged or ruined in event of a natural disaster.  So, the metal box.

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON PROBATION

Life in my new state has taken on a personality of its own. I see now you have to experience all the seasons in a new place to know what you need.  Nobody dreamed TX would have ice melting off the little twigs outside my window in the middle of the afternoon. 

The cold made me drag out clothes, shoes, and socks I'd  forgotten I brought.  I still need a good car coat.  (The one I bought yesterday is going back asap.)  And some winter pants, and, and, and. 

Luckily, the weather made me assemble one outfit I'd put off thinking about.

For the rest, I've invented the probation system:  For instance: One new top was bought for sizzling weather at the end of summer, so I'll give it a year's probation  and if it still hangs unused, I may toss it in the donate bag. 

Planning to give stuff a year, more or less, may avoid waking up in two or more years with a pile of clothes I don't wear and can't fix.  


Important:  If you don't have a full-length mirror, find a way to get one.  Or try on things at your sister's or someplace.  That denim skirt that added a visual 15 pounds is finally in the donate bag.

And by the way, I'll be using timed drying on the dryer, now that I've shrunk my jeans after paying to have them taken in.  

So I guess I'll have to put my desserts and my waist on probation, too, until further notice. 

SKIN CARE CLUTTER . . .The rules I need to follow

The title of this  post should probably be changed!  I was going to mention the endless things I've read about drinking water to hydrate your skin!

When I looked at the Mayo clinic website, I found --they're still not sure how drinking water acts on skin.  (But I still need to drink more water.)

Mayo Clinic experts' skin suggestions won't fill your medicine cabinet with products.  And they suggest something I've already started: using a gentle cleanser instead of soap.  I've been using Cocoon baby liquid cleanser from the health section of my grocery store, because of my recent DCIS radiation treatments.  This cleanser doesn't have the worrisome ingredients I avoid (but I still keep checking) and it does have lemongrass to give me some fragrance.  And fragrance I like always cheers me up.


You can read the other Mayo Clinic skin suggestions for yourself:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/hydrated-skin/expert-answers/FAQ-20058067


The doctor's secret rule:

This is so simple, makes perfect sense, and I always forget to do it.

To test whether you're getting improvement from a skin product:  Use it only on one side of your face for maybe a month!

You know what to do if you don't see better skin:  toss the stuff and recycle the bottle.

Write to me if you've tried this method.  (It came from my wonderful doctor in CA.)

HOW TO AVOID BATHROOM CLUTTER

Save those receipts!

The good news:  I just threw away some not-new mascara and powder-makeup plus some very ancient lipstick.

I got new mascara as a gift, bought new compact makeup that's the perfect color, replaced the old lipstick with a color that's not so girly, and even got eye shadow that I can probably mix to get the teal color I need.

The bad news:  I also bought a big bottle of lotion that's not the "original" version I wanted.  This morning I read the fine print Sunburn warning, and learned that this version has ALPHA HYDROXY ACID which can make us more vulnerable to the sun!  Since I just finished radiation this week, I can't even use the stuff on the bottoms of my feet!

Why do you care?   It took me a half hour to find the receipt.  (Miraculously I hadn't thrown it away after I wrote it in my spending record.)

You know I can't easily throw "good" products away, so the lotion would have languished in the bathroom cabinet or the Bermuda triangle on the bottom closet shelf until I finally gave up on it in the far future.

I bought all this at CVS, so I can take the lotion back, but only with the receipt.  Ask even at Macy's if you can return makeup and other products that don't work for you!

Then put a folder or a jar or even a plastic sandwich bag wherever you keep makeup and medicine.  Put a label on this container that says RECEIPTS!

When you get your refund money, give yourself a treat for being so organized.

What makes me save the wrong things - a Rant

I've written about this before:  I save things that don't fit because I can't find what does fit. Several years ago in L.A. a podiatrist reluctantly discussed my metatarsal arch problem and sent me to an orthotics shop.  They brought out a tiny metatarsal support, made me stand on it until we found exactly where it worked best (which is under the metatarsal bones near the middle of my foot, not under the metatarsal arch) and glued one permanently in each shoe.  Last time I went there, they had gone out of business.

I've searched the stores and the web and all I can find are supports that are too big.  So I'm wearing my old lumpy clogs around the house.  Sheer desperation.  When I have to go out, my newer clogs are making my foot problems worse.

I need pants with a long rise, because I have buns and a long torso, and such pants apparently don't exist.  I have to buy a bigger size and then have that pair altered extensively.  The last time, the tailor got a little too eager, so now they're on the hanger until I lose a couple pounds.

Men's pants used to have a rise specified, but now I don't even see that in the catalogs.

What makes you wear the wrong thing?

Correction: Must haves: I meant to say Excel --I'm sure you've figured that out! Apologies.

AFTER THE MEGA-TOSS-OUT; I'M GLAD I SAVED:

I was ten weeks post spine fusion when I moved by plane, to Texas.  I knew Austin could be very hot, but I wasn't going to Austin.  Did I mention the joke was on me?

My winter coat, with twelve things wrong with it, weighed so much my daughter didn't even encourage me to bring it.  I brought my old black "raincoat" with the heavy, quilted, zip lining.  Not just because I didn't want to bring the heavier coat, but because a male friend had seen me wearing this one and exclaimed, "New York!"  It's a royal pain in restaurants we ordinarily choose, but it makes me walk more confidently!

Mom once said:  After a certain age, women stop dressing for men and start dressing to make other women furious.  Personally, I just don't want to feel like Poor Pitiful Pearl when I leave the house.  Who knows what will happen?

I also saved a waist-length sweater with gold buttons.  Waist-length is my thing, and it's fine with me if the tunic tee under it shows.

There's that long black knit skirt that I sometimes need, even though I don't wear Spanks or however you spell it - my spine won't even let me pull them up!

Now for the part where celebrities tell us what they can't  live without:

Mine are my INC boot cut jeans.  Old but still flattering.
And my INC slightly boot cut grey pants that wash and refuse, refuse to wrinkle. I always feel just right in them.   If I ever get a book tour, those pants are with me!

Since even some fashion moguls have admitted in print that boot cut is the flattering cut, feel free to call me if you are marching on a manufacturer who doesn't get the point yet.

The secret of pants for me, alas, is I have a long torso, so I still have to buy a size too big and have them tailored to fit.  It's worth the fee to be able to sit down.

WHAT'RE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S DAY?

Promises, promises!  Had lots of energy the last couple of nights for organizing and straightening.  And made the bed a different way with my new Christmas cuddly blanket.

Need to get out for my morning half of my new exercise-for-health plan.

I have a little basket of things I might need if I wake up in the middle of the night:  flashlight, itch medicine for dermatitis, cell phone and such.  I call it my portable nightstand.  This morning I even made a place for it in the closet.  Since, duh!, it's daytime.  Of course the phone is in my purse for daytime.

This season brings on extra emotion for me and many others.  After today's new year energy, there can be a letdown, or for some people, grim determination to go on with the holiday cleaning.  I have a few "rules" for these start-the-year-right attacks:

Unless you're a person who loves winter, don't dig around in old belongings, old letters, old files of loss and conflict and what we think was failure.  Wait for a sunny, warmer spring day.

If  you absolutely can't wait, ask someone, bribe someone, to come and sit with you while you dig into the past.

If no one is available to come over, maybe you can put a friend on speaker phone while both of you do the unpleasant archaeology in trunk or file cabinet.  If one of you gets a few tears, that's okay.  Then you both deserve an outing!

Many Happy New Year days to you!