THE WORLD'S FASTEST WAY TO CLEAN OUT CLOTHES

This is incredibly easy.  You may be able to do it in an afternoon.

The catch is, you and a friend have to do it for each other at the same time. Or at least on the same day.

This requires only two pieces of equipment:  a light in the closet, and a video cam.  

After putting on each piece of clothing, she walks away from you as you point the camera at the rear view of her in the outfit.

Then off to your closet, where she shoots your back view (remember you're walking, not standing) in your outfits.  

As you can see, this requires that you both be good, kind friends.  

But just in case, all traces of the videos must be obliterated before you take all those unflattering clothes to the donation bin down the road.

MY PORTABLE BATHROOM . . . ALMOST

For the second time in a long time, I'm sharing a bathroom with a man, right now, my son-in-law.  And strangely enough, this makes me more organized.

I have a basket, not really big, that has two plastic coffee shop cups in it.  Also a small hairbrush, a small mirror, sunscreen, toothpaste, nail file, small hairspray, and a sandwich bag with tiny dental stuff.

In one plastic cup is mascara, a shaver, very small scissors, and seldom-used eye shadow.

In the other is the rest of the dental equipment.

Of course, I get in a hurry and put things in the wrong cup when I suddenly have to go somewhere, but at least, they're in the basket!

The whole thing goes back to the bedroom to save room on the vanity.

Bigger things, like jumbo mouthwash and  liquid soap for shower and shampoo, can stay in the bathroom.

Of course, if you have children under the age of 40, this may not be foolproof, but it works for me.

GRABBING STUFF BEFORE WORK CLUTTER

Once a long time ago, a roommate who was very busy had an idea for cutting down on time getting dressed.  She announced that if our chests of drawers had seven drawers we could put everything for one day in the same drawer, and save all the digging around.  

Fast forward to now.  You've maybe put tops with tops, bottoms with bottoms, and getting ready in the morning (or evening) is not a bowl of cherries. The clock is ticking; the pile on the bed is growing. 

 I can't get you a seven-drawer highboy, but maybe this will help.  

Pretend you're a flight attendant.  You can't be late, you can't carry a bunch of layering clothes.  You have to look your best.  The buttons can't be off the last clean uniform. 

So here we are with our imaginary, tiny flight attendant suitcase that wouldn't even hold my four-section Baggatini that was supposed to be the first love of flight attendants.  I have no idea what real flight attendants do, but this is pretend.  

So just mark off a territory in your closet for two fast,  absolutely last-minute-grab, late-for-work outfits.  Complete with shoes, maybe with stockings tucked in, if you wear them.  In this weather, I'd wear fur lined jeans if I could find them, but I digress.

Your appropriate undies are hanging right beside the foolproof outfits in wondrous, tough transparent hanger bags.

Two outfits, because you're going to send one of them to the cleaners on time, or the shoes to the shoemaker on time, or at least to  the kitchen for polish.)

Right now two outfits don't seem enough for the hot, freezing, and rarely medium  weather we have here in rotation.  But I do have my fail-safe, pre-takeoff two. 

For example:  

Really good grey washable pants
Grey waist-length tie sweater
White top for under grey sweater 
Black leather shoes with black socks
Black Baggatini 
Quilt coat or blazer or white washable jacket, depending on weather and formality.

When it's pushing a hundred degrees:
A black cotton dress, petti pants, and in an emergency, sandals.  

The backup outfit is the same color scheme.  Nothing is too fragile. I won't be on a plane soon, but you never know when you'll meet a rogue three-year-old with a strawberry ice cream cone.

The closet is small and crowded, but if I put the pants next to the shelves, then the sweaters are handy. Shoes on a shelf.  And my socks are separated; business socks for business shoes.  Even a scarf in one of those hanging transparent bags.  When I find out where to get those bags, I'll let you know.  

PS  When I was in storage design, my clients would never do this.  But I can picture what happens in the morning, because they have so many decisions to make, and so much crossing back and forth in the closet.

TECHNOLOGY DOES PLASTIC SURGERY ON YOUR CLUTTER

When some women decide to get slimmer, they may post on the refrigerator a picture from their slim days.  There they are, looking confident.  And smaller.  (A few may put a picture of themselves at the chubbiest - and for them, it works.)

Some guys may put up movie posters of gym rat actors but deny it's their motivation.  Maybe that works for them.

But I've never, in the many homes I've seen, seen a woman on a diet decorate her fridge with pictures of other women!

So why, in a fit of anti-clutter determination, do we go on line for pictures of other people's cabinets and closets?  Or read publicity about famous stars' closets?  Or follow somebody's advice and start a clutter notebook?  Then we wonder why we don't have time to go to Goodwill or to get a bigger recycle barrel. 

Here's my radical suggestion for the day:  If your living room looks a little over-stuffed and needs a diet, take some pictures of the way it is now.  Then, here goes . . . 

PHOTOSHOP them. Or get a teenager to Photoshop them.  Photoshop can erase that file cabinet, can move Aunt Hepzibah's gifts of statuary to a dust-proof archive case in the closet.  Photoshop can even change the cardboard box of unused exercise weights into an elegant rolling baseket or an ultrasleek tilt-out drawer under a fabulous built-in desk!  And can make Old Fred's slippers look fit for a rock star (or swoop them into the garbage.  I mean into the bedroom.)  I have no advice on how to make Old Fred accept your projected changes to his recliner. 

All this is done without bending over!  Just bending fingers.  And this saves money.  You can change wall color on the screen, and repaint them free at once if you want to.  Or paint some shelves and things the wall color to make them look less irritating.  The only caution is that colors will look different in real life, so you'll need paint samples on the real wall eventually.

But the clutter will have disappeared.  Photoshop can even put in an attractive person (pretend) to haul the stuff off to Goodwill.  

 Do not tell the teen-tech to re-install stuff you do not love or need without a 24-hour cooling off period. 

Print screen and live your room makeover. 

One last thing, a good diet doesn't make us (or a home) thin in one weekend.

TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH! - I'll never get it cleared out unless I . . .

The sheer volume of it all!  The drawers bursting in air. . . no, but bulging at least.  We see ourselves holding up each dumb thing, each unidentified dreary object, week after week.  Take a tip from an unexpected place--Pearl Diving!

Open one drawer, maybe a drawer full of clothes or fabrics, and dive for one thing you really like!  Dust it off, shake it out, admire it.  If it's gotten wrinkled in there with bad company, put it in the dryer with a slightly damp cloth on no heat (no, not if it's a shoe or album of baby pictures.  Just above-the-floor clothes.)  If it's reasonably fresh, try it on.  Oops, it doesn't quite fit right now.  Not even with the unbuttoned look.

Next step:  Take a really pretty big bag.  Go to the drug store if you have to, for a big "party" bag.  (Those biggies are to shame you into buying more gifts) but we're doing tidy-organize here.

Take a nice envelope or a marker that writes pretty, and write Treasures on the bag.  Wrap the blouse or whatever it is, and place it in the bag.  Why?

When we treasure our really good stuff, even stuff we're a couple of cheescakes away from wearing, we can see more easily how non-wonderful the rest of our stuff is.  How it begs to go into that clothing bin at the gas station.  How someone somewhere is waiting for it. Maybe two-thirds of what's in that same clothes drawer is squashed in there because we never wear it and hope not to.

So, there's really no need to hold those items up and decide. You know what to do.  If the giver asks where it went, you can honestly say you don't know any more.  Better yet, change the subject to her favorite man, or go to the powder room before the giver decides you want more of what you just donated.